Tuesday, January 19, 2010
I HATE YOU
I HATE YOU. YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE. YOU CONSTANTLY ANNOY ANYONE WHO HAS THE DISPLEASURE OF MEETING YOU. I'M SURE YOU THINK YOUR SOCIAL RETARDATION IS CHARMING. IT ISN'T IN THE LEAST BIT. I DREAM OF SHOVING YOU INTO ONCOMING TRAFFIC BUT THAT WOULD RUIN THE CHANCES AT FINISHING MY LIFE. YOU KNOW THE ONE YOU'RE ALWAYS BUTTING INTO. WHAT I DO IS NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS. STILL YOU STICK YOUR SLIMEY NOSE IN IT. I HOPE YOU DON'T THINK I AM LISTENING TO YOU VERBAL DIARRHEA. I HAVE NEVER HAD SUCH DISGUST FOR A PERSON IN MY LIFE. I ONLY TOLERATE YOU BECAUSE I'M FORCED TO IN ORDER TO KEEP MY MAMS BLOOD PRESSURE IN CHECK. SERIOUSLY I WONDER IF YOU STILL WEAR A DIAPER. GOD KNOWS YOU EXPECT EVERYONE TO WIPE YOUR ASS WHILE YOU WHINE ABOUT HOW AWFUL YOUR LIFE IS..OH AND I KNOW IT'S NOT YOUR FAULT YOU'RE COMPLETELY PATHETIC. MAYBE ONE DAY BEFORE YOU DIE, AND I HOPE ITS BEFORE ME SO HAVE SOME SATIFACTION OF YOUR ENTERING HELL FIRST, YOU'LL WAKE UP AND REALIZE WHAT A BURDEN YOU ARE. IF THE WORLDS POPULATION MET YOU THEY WOULD INDEED FEEL THE SAME AS I. LUCKILY FOR THEM THEY AREN'T BOUND TO YOU IN ANY WAY. IF YOU EVER LEARN TO READ, WHICH I DOUBT SINCE I'M STILL SPELLING FOR YOU, I HOPE YOU TAKE THE HINT AND STOP BEING SUCH A COMPLETE SHIT!
True Hollywood Story of a Yagwit
It was the fall of Nineteen Ninety-Five when I met him coming down the stairs scarcely dressed believing no one would be around. He hits the last step before realizing I’m standing in the foyer. There were only seconds before I rushed into the next room pretending not to be utterly mortified. I heard footsteps enter the room. He spoke briefly. I was unable to respond. My embarrassment so great my mouth felt as if I had gorged on a lemon. I could feel my face getting hot. I managed an awkward gesture that was more stupidity than wave. I never turned around. A huge relief came over me when I heard the front door open and close again. Who was this stranger? Why is he in my aunt’s house with barely a stitch of clothing? Why am I still thinking about him? This was the day, the first day of my life. An entire month passes before I see him again. It’s Thanksgiving now. My aunt introduced us. We both act as if the previous incident hadn’t occurred. I notice he is smiling a bit to much. My discomfort was obvious to only us. I found it slightly irritating that this was a source of amusement for him. I was also intrigued that he remembered me. I had never been this unnerved by anyone. I am made of steel due to my scattered upbringing. The aunt he was living with had spent five years raising me before my mother managed a bit of sobriety. She had found another stray. He was tall, dark hair, perfectly tan with crystal blue eyes. He winked when he caught me staring from across the dinner table. The slightest glace rendered me speechless. I was loathing myself every second for needing to know him. No one had ever mattered before. The consequences for closeness were too great. I had everything to lose. Still I couldn’t stop myself from pursuing this idiocy. It was the same for him. We took chances, accidently running into one another. I managed to make it through the holiday. An agonizing three weeks pass waiting for Christmas. The seventy one point nine mile drive from our home to my aunts seemed to never end. Finally we arrived. My sister unpacks the car. I mumble something about a twisted ankle abandoning her to look for him. My stranger, Chris. I didn’t know him enough to be this……mad. Two months, ten words, one wink, and days trying to make sense of it. I opened the door to find him talking to everyone. He is polite, but different this time. I absolutely show no emotion about this crushing devastation. I spend the week with my family shopping and planning dinner. It is the night before our big feast. Everyone had gone to bed hours earlier. I am alone. I’m still thinking about Chris. I know I’m not imagining all the instances of smiling, having to get by me in the small stairwell, and seemingly waiting for me each time I was to visit. I’d had enough. I quietly made my way to his room. I couldn’t take this anguish any longer. He sits up quickly, but settles realizing who I am. I ask one question, “What happened?”. He sighs then begins to explain. He is turning eighteen soon. It is no longer possible to see each other. It’s not an excuse; even I know he’s telling the truth. I don’t know what to say. I’m fourteen. It’s never going to happen. We talk all night. It feels like I’ve always known him. I sneak back to the downstairs couch as dawn breaks. I’m lost now. I see no point in celebrating. I just want to hide. I avoid Chris for two days. I couldn’t bear getting any closer to him. His birthday was to be my death. When it is time to leave he shakes my hand. I feel a piece of paper. Quickly I shove it into my pocket. My mother is unaware of my feelings. She wouldn’t allow it. She was over compensating for lost time. She was too unpredictable to test. I checked the letter obsessively until I reached my grandmothers. She lived behind my aunt. My mother wouldn’t be suspicious of my wanting to stay. I tell my mother goodbye while disregarding her husband. I read the three page letter slowly. It’s very sweet. I’m waiting for the BUT. I’m shaking. The last line on the last page, “I need you too.”. It’s what I told him after he said I was to young. It was New Years Eve. I had to see him. We waited again until everyone was out to be together. We secretly dated the entire year. I had only thoughts about Chris. I went to my “grandmothers” as often as possible. He led everyone to believe he was working when we would meet. The year seemed like minutes. It is already September. I arrive home from class. It’s a very ordinary day. I look through the kitchen for a snack. No surprise, the fridge is sparse. On the kitchen table I find a short concise note. It reads, “KRISTI, I KNOW!” I can’t feel my legs; this only means one thing, back to parochial school a state away. I knew she would be home soon. She wasn’t the type to calm down after thinking about a problem. It had brewed all day. It was time for the worst. She said everything I knew was coming but didn’t want to hear. I had to end it or she would turn Chris in. I would be forced to move south to finish school. She knew I was failing. I never struggled before. At least public school was easy. It bored me greatly. I begged her to let me stay. I promised to work on my grades. I told her I wouldn’t see Chris. I had to lie to him. I told him I was addicted to drugs. It was the only way he would disapprove of me. It was over. He would be safe from my mother. And I would have time to find a way back to him. Months passed. We barely spoke. It killed me every time he called. It would again be Christmas that brought us together. I was sure after the time spent apart he would bring someone to dinner. I didn’t worry about the long drive this time. I didn’t care if we even went. We pull in the drive. I help my sister with the gifts. I’m in no rush. I may disgrace myself in front of everyone I’ve ever known tonight. I don’t speak to anyone after entering the house. I just want to see who he has brought to MY families Christmas dinner. I’m angry without right. Instead he is there alone. He is waiting for me. I can’t pretend anymore. I hold onto him like he had been missing at war. Eyes pop out of heads, jaws drop. My mother doesn’t make a scene. It’s the only thing we share. We can effortlessly be cool as ice. We talk everything out. He forgives me no questions. He asks me to marry him. I’m fifteen now. I say yes before he finishes. I tell my mother the news. She shocks me when she silently agrees. Her husband wants all her children to leave. I am the last obstacle to stifling his dribble. She calls Chris to tell him she will consent. I again care for nothing. I plan a wedding in five months. We married in March Nineteen Ninety-Seven at a church built by my grandfather, twenty days after my sixteenth birthday. My family wore black. It was not a joke. Only his sister attended. Neither of us noticed them. We spent a quiet three months together before we found out I was expecting. Our daughter was born in December of ninety-seven. Those three months were the last time it was quiet. We have four other children together. We have been defying the odds for thirteen years.
The End…..So Far
The End…..So Far
Saturday, January 16, 2010
Sum Up From Myspace
BlurbsAbout me:
I'm Kristi Wilson. I have four little demon/angels.
I've been married to a great guy for 10 years. I'm family
oriented. I would rather be with them than anyone else. As
you can see from my friends list, it is short. I am very
honest with everyone. I won't hold my tongue just to baby
someone. If you really care for a person you tell them the
truth. I never hold back, which puts a lot of people off.
I expect the same in return. I won't waste my time on
anyone I don't care about. Life is much to short. I'm
having some difficulty weeding through the idiots to find
really good people. Even some of the good ones eventually
must be filed into the lost causes section. This is a
place for the ones I still love, but can no longer drain
my energy to keep afloat. This may seem high and mighty,
but I only have 50 possible years left for meaningful
friendships. I feel I should make it worthwhile. I am
really not into small talk. I prefer a deep conversation.
I really enjoy listening. Also I can talk incesently.
I have some serious flaws: I don't give second chances, I
hold grudges, I am quick to judge, I NEVER forget, I'm
obsessed with control, I'm only at peace when I get my
way, and I hate many people for my own small reasons.
I'm scared of bridges, loneliness, mayonnaise, snakes,
flocks of birds, death, being seen naked, talking to
strangers, snails, disease, and wells.
I HATE: Bullies, Whistling, Sluts, High Heels, Ohio
Drivers, Coupons requiring buying to receive the discount,
snobs, girly guys, cold food, my freckles, when Chris
leaves for work, being sick, looking for things,
elevators, people who buy vehicles they can't handle,
simpletons who think homelessness is a choice, abortion,
republican politicians, buying gasoline, getting older
and mostly I hate being amid large groups of people.
Jobs: I have 3, WAHM for Chacha.com, SAHM taking care of my children, WIFE wishing its friday everyday.
School: I attended Harrison High School, Class of nothing
(00). I think my survey covers the rest of my about me box. If
you are wondering just ask. I have nothing to hide.
Secrets were invented to make ordinary life more exciting.
The Question Game
Name: Kristi
Age: 28
D.O.B: 81
Height: 5'2"
Weight: 198
Shoe Size: 8 1/2
Hair Color: Brown,Red,Golden Blonde,Black
Eye Color: Green
Cultural Heritage: German/Irish
Favorite Flavor: Mint
Favorite Color: Purple
Biggest Fear: Bridges
Biggest Weakness: Shy
Biggest Strength: Loyal
Favorite Song: Fav Today: In This Life
Favorite Movie: Death Becomes Her
Favorite Super Hero: Captain Planet
Favorite TV Show: Frasier
Best Personality Trait: Sense of Humor
Worst Personality Trait: Unwillingness To Forgive
Your Catchphrase: Crapola Crayons Batman
Your Theme Song: Lean On Me
Your Celebrity Twin: Jodie Foster
Drink: No
Smoke: No
Any Drugs: No
Steal: No
Curse: Constantly
Lie: Occasionally
Fallen In Love: Still Falling
What is in the back of your car? Kids, no room for anything else
Name one person that made you smile today? Chris
What were you doing at 8 am this morning? Driving To The Junkyard
What were you doing 45 minutes ago? Cleaning
What is your favorite candy bar? Payday
Have you ever been to a strip club? No
What is the last thing you said aloud? Goodnight Nora
What is the best ice cream flavor? Mint Cookie Dough
What was the last thing you had to drink? Water
What are you wearing right now? Black Slacks, Tank, and Lace Top
What was the last thing you ate? Mac n Cheese
Have you bought any new clothing items this week? No
When was the last time you ran? Don't remember
The last sporting event you watched? Don't watch sports
What is your favorite flavor of popcorn? Caramel
Who is the last person you sent a comment/message on myspace? Katie
Ever go camping? Once a year
Do you take vitamins daily? Yes
Do you go to church every Sunday? No
Do you have a tan? No
Do you like Chinese food over pizza? Yes
Do you drink your soda with a straw? Sometimes, the little straws make the best bubbles
What did your last text message say? Hey Sexy
Are you some-one's best friend? I don't think so
What are you doing tomorrow? Waiting for Friday
Where is your dad? Dead
Look to your left, what do you see? Printer
What color is your watch? N/A
What do you think of when you think of Australia? Sydney
Do you use chapstick? Yes
What is your favorite number? 8
Do you have a dog? Not anymore, woohoo!
Last person you talked to on the phone? Chris
Have you met anyone famous? Yes
Any plans today? No
How many states have you lived in? About 10
Biggest annoyance in your life right now? My weight
Last song listened to? Gold Digger - Kanye West
Can you say the alphabet backwards? I can't say it forwards
Do you have a maid service clean your house? I am the maid service
Favorite pair of shoes you wear all the time? Platforms
Is anyone jealous of you? hell no
Do you love anyone? Yes, madly
Do any of your friends have children? I don't have any friends
Do you eat healthy? Yes
What do you usually do during the day? Clean, Cook, Wipe Butts, Wait for Chris
Do you hate anyone that you know right now? At least 3 people
Do you use the word 'hello' daily? Yes, its my word when people don't understand me
What color is your car? Black
Do you like cats? No
Have you ever been to Six Flags? No
How did you get your worst scar? Wrecked A Boys Style Bike
General
Movies, Fishing, Ice Hockey, PC, Platform Shoe Shopping, Clothes, Cosmetics, Miniatures, Tech Gadgets
Music
Country from the 90's - Present, Select Few Rock Bands, R&B, Old Rap, Some Alternative, Little Bubble Gum Pop, Love Songs Any Genre
I love to read. I don't have time for it anymore. I look forward to spending days in a good book when I retire. My favorite is "White Oleander". Some good ones are See Jane Run, The Color of Her Panties, Runaway Jury, The Lion The Witch and The Wardrobe
Hero/s:
Chris is my number one hero because he gets up everyday knowing his day is probably going to be long, hot/cold, exhausting, drama filled, and overall shitty, to take care of us. He is strong in mind, knows who he is, and makes the best of what we have.
My number 2 hero/es: Every woman who has escaped domestic violence, battled breast cancer, lost a child, lost her soulmate, lowered her standard of living to raise her child, raising or raised a child alone, lived in a shelter, laughed when she felt like crying, and kept the pieces together when she was really broken.
DetailsStatus: Married
Here for: Friends
Hometown: Hoosier
Pref: Straight
Body type: 5' 2" / More to love!
Ethnicity: White / Caucasian
Religion: Agnostic
Zodiac Sign: Aquarius
Children: Proud paren
tSmoke / Drink: No / No
Education: High school
Income: $60,000 to $75,000
SchoolsWilliam Henry Harrison High S
Harrison, OH
Graduated: N/A
Student status: Alumni
1996 to 1998East Central High School
St Leon,IN
Graduated: N/A
Student status: Alumni
1986 to 1993
I'm Kristi Wilson. I have four little demon/angels.
I've been married to a great guy for 10 years. I'm family
oriented. I would rather be with them than anyone else. As
you can see from my friends list, it is short. I am very
honest with everyone. I won't hold my tongue just to baby
someone. If you really care for a person you tell them the
truth. I never hold back, which puts a lot of people off.
I expect the same in return. I won't waste my time on
anyone I don't care about. Life is much to short. I'm
having some difficulty weeding through the idiots to find
really good people. Even some of the good ones eventually
must be filed into the lost causes section. This is a
place for the ones I still love, but can no longer drain
my energy to keep afloat. This may seem high and mighty,
but I only have 50 possible years left for meaningful
friendships. I feel I should make it worthwhile. I am
really not into small talk. I prefer a deep conversation.
I really enjoy listening. Also I can talk incesently.
I have some serious flaws: I don't give second chances, I
hold grudges, I am quick to judge, I NEVER forget, I'm
obsessed with control, I'm only at peace when I get my
way, and I hate many people for my own small reasons.
I'm scared of bridges, loneliness, mayonnaise, snakes,
flocks of birds, death, being seen naked, talking to
strangers, snails, disease, and wells.
I HATE: Bullies, Whistling, Sluts, High Heels, Ohio
Drivers, Coupons requiring buying to receive the discount,
snobs, girly guys, cold food, my freckles, when Chris
leaves for work, being sick, looking for things,
elevators, people who buy vehicles they can't handle,
simpletons who think homelessness is a choice, abortion,
republican politicians, buying gasoline, getting older
and mostly I hate being amid large groups of people.
Jobs: I have 3, WAHM for Chacha.com, SAHM taking care of my children, WIFE wishing its friday everyday.
School: I attended Harrison High School, Class of nothing
(00). I think my survey covers the rest of my about me box. If
you are wondering just ask. I have nothing to hide.
Secrets were invented to make ordinary life more exciting.
The Question Game
Name: Kristi
Age: 28
D.O.B: 81
Height: 5'2"
Weight: 198
Shoe Size: 8 1/2
Hair Color: Brown,Red,Golden Blonde,Black
Eye Color: Green
Cultural Heritage: German/Irish
Favorite Flavor: Mint
Favorite Color: Purple
Biggest Fear: Bridges
Biggest Weakness: Shy
Biggest Strength: Loyal
Favorite Song: Fav Today: In This Life
Favorite Movie: Death Becomes Her
Favorite Super Hero: Captain Planet
Favorite TV Show: Frasier
Best Personality Trait: Sense of Humor
Worst Personality Trait: Unwillingness To Forgive
Your Catchphrase: Crapola Crayons Batman
Your Theme Song: Lean On Me
Your Celebrity Twin: Jodie Foster
Drink: No
Smoke: No
Any Drugs: No
Steal: No
Curse: Constantly
Lie: Occasionally
Fallen In Love: Still Falling
What is in the back of your car? Kids, no room for anything else
Name one person that made you smile today? Chris
What were you doing at 8 am this morning? Driving To The Junkyard
What were you doing 45 minutes ago? Cleaning
What is your favorite candy bar? Payday
Have you ever been to a strip club? No
What is the last thing you said aloud? Goodnight Nora
What is the best ice cream flavor? Mint Cookie Dough
What was the last thing you had to drink? Water
What are you wearing right now? Black Slacks, Tank, and Lace Top
What was the last thing you ate? Mac n Cheese
Have you bought any new clothing items this week? No
When was the last time you ran? Don't remember
The last sporting event you watched? Don't watch sports
What is your favorite flavor of popcorn? Caramel
Who is the last person you sent a comment/message on myspace? Katie
Ever go camping? Once a year
Do you take vitamins daily? Yes
Do you go to church every Sunday? No
Do you have a tan? No
Do you like Chinese food over pizza? Yes
Do you drink your soda with a straw? Sometimes, the little straws make the best bubbles
What did your last text message say? Hey Sexy
Are you some-one's best friend? I don't think so
What are you doing tomorrow? Waiting for Friday
Where is your dad? Dead
Look to your left, what do you see? Printer
What color is your watch? N/A
What do you think of when you think of Australia? Sydney
Do you use chapstick? Yes
What is your favorite number? 8
Do you have a dog? Not anymore, woohoo!
Last person you talked to on the phone? Chris
Have you met anyone famous? Yes
Any plans today? No
How many states have you lived in? About 10
Biggest annoyance in your life right now? My weight
Last song listened to? Gold Digger - Kanye West
Can you say the alphabet backwards? I can't say it forwards
Do you have a maid service clean your house? I am the maid service
Favorite pair of shoes you wear all the time? Platforms
Is anyone jealous of you? hell no
Do you love anyone? Yes, madly
Do any of your friends have children? I don't have any friends
Do you eat healthy? Yes
What do you usually do during the day? Clean, Cook, Wipe Butts, Wait for Chris
Do you hate anyone that you know right now? At least 3 people
Do you use the word 'hello' daily? Yes, its my word when people don't understand me
What color is your car? Black
Do you like cats? No
Have you ever been to Six Flags? No
How did you get your worst scar? Wrecked A Boys Style Bike
General
Movies, Fishing, Ice Hockey, PC, Platform Shoe Shopping, Clothes, Cosmetics, Miniatures, Tech Gadgets
Music
Country from the 90's - Present, Select Few Rock Bands, R&B, Old Rap, Some Alternative, Little Bubble Gum Pop, Love Songs Any Genre
I love to read. I don't have time for it anymore. I look forward to spending days in a good book when I retire. My favorite is "White Oleander". Some good ones are See Jane Run, The Color of Her Panties, Runaway Jury, The Lion The Witch and The Wardrobe
Hero/s:
Chris is my number one hero because he gets up everyday knowing his day is probably going to be long, hot/cold, exhausting, drama filled, and overall shitty, to take care of us. He is strong in mind, knows who he is, and makes the best of what we have.
My number 2 hero/es: Every woman who has escaped domestic violence, battled breast cancer, lost a child, lost her soulmate, lowered her standard of living to raise her child, raising or raised a child alone, lived in a shelter, laughed when she felt like crying, and kept the pieces together when she was really broken.
DetailsStatus: Married
Here for: Friends
Hometown: Hoosier
Pref: Straight
Body type: 5' 2" / More to love!
Ethnicity: White / Caucasian
Religion: Agnostic
Zodiac Sign: Aquarius
Children: Proud paren
tSmoke / Drink: No / No
Education: High school
Income: $60,000 to $75,000
SchoolsWilliam Henry Harrison High S
Harrison, OH
Graduated: N/A
Student status: Alumni
1996 to 1998East Central High School
St Leon,IN
Graduated: N/A
Student status: Alumni
1986 to 1993
Friday, January 15, 2010
THOUGHTS OF A YAGWIT
Left uninvited unaware of this remaining unconcerned due to the never ending dribble so fluent from the lips of those there where I don't recognize myself as one of them surely I am the same outwardly I despise everyone no remorse taking great pause before speaking to them unable to justify my behavior without inflicting emotional harm lifetimes pass while blankly they wait for an empty reply another wasted breath no meaning ever given or taking this random nonexistence persists incessantly.
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